Stranger Friends: Chapter II
This story is in continuation of Stranger Friends. If you haven't read that, I would recommend reading that first before reading this second part.
Bangalore wasn't new anymore. I had obvious friends in the office as well as in Uniworld, my guesthouse. But, there was one unique friend, a stranger friend in Uniworld, the housekeeper! I had been talking to him about random things around me in the city, office, life, and whatnot. Strange but, true; I would talk to him generally during weekend mornings. After completing my stint of four months in Infosys' Bangalore Campus, I had taken a transfer to their Jaipur DC. My transfer is another interesting story highlighting the politics in the corporate world of Infosys; will write an article separately on that. On my last day in Bangalore, I had my bags packed and kept them on the floor near the room's door. The housekeeper did all the cleaning chores and while he was leaving the room, I looked at him.
"Sir, ja rahe ho?" He smilingly asked in his cute pahadi accent.
"Ji sir, mera transfer ho gaya Jaipur me," I replied with a smile.
"Acha!" He said still smiling.
While he was at the door, I asked him to stop.
"Happy Diwali sir," I greeted him handling him the shagun envelope I had kept for him.
This guy whose name I didn't know, started to smile more but this time his eyes spoke more than his lips.
This guy whose name I didn't know, started to smile more but this time his eyes spoke more than his lips.
"Thank you, sir :) Happy Diwali," He said hesitantly taking the envelope.
"Thank you, sir. Fir milenge!" I shook his hands with a real hope to bump into him again.
"Dhyan se jaiyega," He concluded.
"Shukriya," I thanked him again before I saw him for the last time. I did not know this man, did not know his name or anything apart from the fact that he was from Uttarakhand. But, I enjoyed speaking to him with words or with smiles whenever we happened to meet. There was something positive about this stranger friend- I shall always cherish his smile and good vibes.
I reached Delhi to celebrate Diwali with my parents and brother and attend my convocation on 6th Nov'16 in IIT Delhi. I had smartly managed my 15 leaves for Diwali and the convocation so as to join the Jaipur campus on 7th Nov'16, the very next day after the convocation.
During my first five days in Jaipur, I opted for Infosys' guest house where I'd stay overnight and have dinner. On the 7th evening after spending the first day in the office, I decided to go to the kitchen. Well, this was just another step of mine to speak to a cook, a stranger in a new city.
"Aaj kya hai menu me, sir?" I started the conversation.
"Dal-curry aur Aloo-methi," He replied.
While standing in the kitchen and seeing him cook food, I started a conversation about food, dishes I could cook, dishes I wanted to learn, etc. This Dal-curry was the first meal of my life that I ate with onions in it. My hate story of onions deserves a full chapter in itself and I will post it in another article.
The next evening too, I went to his kitchen after returning from the office and just like the previous day started my conversation.
"Thank you, sir. Fir milenge!" I shook his hands with a real hope to bump into him again.
"Dhyan se jaiyega," He concluded.
"Shukriya," I thanked him again before I saw him for the last time. I did not know this man, did not know his name or anything apart from the fact that he was from Uttarakhand. But, I enjoyed speaking to him with words or with smiles whenever we happened to meet. There was something positive about this stranger friend- I shall always cherish his smile and good vibes.
I reached Delhi to celebrate Diwali with my parents and brother and attend my convocation on 6th Nov'16 in IIT Delhi. I had smartly managed my 15 leaves for Diwali and the convocation so as to join the Jaipur campus on 7th Nov'16, the very next day after the convocation.
During my first five days in Jaipur, I opted for Infosys' guest house where I'd stay overnight and have dinner. On the 7th evening after spending the first day in the office, I decided to go to the kitchen. Well, this was just another step of mine to speak to a cook, a stranger in a new city.
"Aaj kya hai menu me, sir?" I started the conversation.
"Dal-curry aur Aloo-methi," He replied.
While standing in the kitchen and seeing him cook food, I started a conversation about food, dishes I could cook, dishes I wanted to learn, etc. This Dal-curry was the first meal of my life that I ate with onions in it. My hate story of onions deserves a full chapter in itself and I will post it in another article.
The next evening too, I went to his kitchen after returning from the office and just like the previous day started my conversation.
"Sir, kal Dal bahut tasty thi," I appreciated his cooking skills.
By this time, we became familiar with each other and he became the first stranger friend whose name I asked. Pankaj! The day was 9th Nov 2016, I was to return to Delhi to enjoy the remaining earned leaves. I came back to the guesthouse from my office. By our dinner time, a big announcement was made by our Prime Minister- Denominations of ₹500 were to become void by then midnight. While the demonetization was yet to give a big blow to the poor and middle class in the months to come, the announcement had affected me right then.
By this time, we became familiar with each other and he became the first stranger friend whose name I asked. Pankaj! The day was 9th Nov 2016, I was to return to Delhi to enjoy the remaining earned leaves. I came back to the guesthouse from my office. By our dinner time, a big announcement was made by our Prime Minister- Denominations of ₹500 were to become void by then midnight. While the demonetization was yet to give a big blow to the poor and middle class in the months to come, the announcement had affected me right then.
Before leaving the guest house, I asked Pankaj about the money I owed him for dinner and breakfast I ate for 3 days.
"Total ₹250, ₹50 per meal," He said.
I opened my wallet and found one ₹100 note while the rest of the notes were all ₹500 along with some change.
I opened my wallet and found one ₹100 note while the rest of the notes were all ₹500 along with some change.
"Do you have change for ₹500?" I offered him a ₹500 note.
"Sir, ab toh mai ₹500 ka note nahi le paunga, aap change hi dijiye," He replied hesitating to accept the soon-to-be void currency. I then thought of the 500 I had given to the housekeeper in Uniworld and felt sorry for him too.
With a ₹100 note and remaining change, I managed to add ₹200 but was short of ₹50. I shared my helplessness with him and told him that I would not eat dinner that day so my bill would only be ₹200. But, Pankaj had a bigger heart than mine.
He offered me to have dinner for free, "Sir, aap please khali pet mat jao, aapko bahut dur jana hai. Aapko paise dene ki zaroorat nahi hai, aaj aap meri taraf se kha lo."
I had not experienced such gesture from a stranger in my life. "Nahi, Pankaj sir, mujhe acha nahi lagega, mai Delhi pahuch kar kha lunga," I refused.
"Sir, mera chota bhai bhi aapki tarah aaj railway station me fasa hua hai. Uske paas bhi sirf ₹500 ka note hai aur wo na khana kha pa raha hai na ghar ja pa raha hai," Pankaj told about his brother being stuck at a railway station in Uttar Pradesh.
"Sir, mai aapko khana khila raha hu. Shayad, mere bhai ko bhi aise hi koi khana khila de," He added and paused.
Our conversation created an eerie silence and I felt really sad for his younger brother. I accepted his offer and sat to eat dinner. I thanked and shook his hands and bid him goodbye. I am sure he would have felt strange about me being a weird person who didn't have enough change in the wallet but was having a decent car to drive from guesthouse to office every day. I didn't know that this would be my last meal from him and I wouldn't find him next week after returning. He had left for his hometown. I couldn't repay his gesture. Pankaj has held a special position in my life for making me eat onion for the first time in my life and for offering me food when I couldn't afford it.
After shifting from the guesthouse to a flat in Jaipur SEZ, I started my regular office life. While Infosys Jaipur DC was much smaller than its Bangalore counterpart, my friend circle became bigger than what it was in Bangalore. Another slight and incremental change I had made. But, making normal friends out of colleagues isn't that tough. The harder part is to gain stranger friends, people who lie outside of one's normal daily life. But, I had decided to continue my newly formed habit of talking to strangers, the security staff, and the food vendors :)
Jaipur DC had only one food court unlike tens of them in Bangalore but believe me, this one food court was enough for 1000 employees there. While I would cook breakfast and dinner at home, I started eating lunch regularly and breakfast some mornings. My breakfast menu got fixed, I would eat plain paranthas with butter and curd. I had started to smile and say hello to the guy on the counter. We had become familiar in less than a week. In our first conversation, he also turned out to be from Delhi which added a layer of familiarity. Delhiites make good friends when out of Delhi :)
"Sir, ab toh mai ₹500 ka note nahi le paunga, aap change hi dijiye," He replied hesitating to accept the soon-to-be void currency. I then thought of the 500 I had given to the housekeeper in Uniworld and felt sorry for him too.
With a ₹100 note and remaining change, I managed to add ₹200 but was short of ₹50. I shared my helplessness with him and told him that I would not eat dinner that day so my bill would only be ₹200. But, Pankaj had a bigger heart than mine.
He offered me to have dinner for free, "Sir, aap please khali pet mat jao, aapko bahut dur jana hai. Aapko paise dene ki zaroorat nahi hai, aaj aap meri taraf se kha lo."
I had not experienced such gesture from a stranger in my life. "Nahi, Pankaj sir, mujhe acha nahi lagega, mai Delhi pahuch kar kha lunga," I refused.
"Sir, mera chota bhai bhi aapki tarah aaj railway station me fasa hua hai. Uske paas bhi sirf ₹500 ka note hai aur wo na khana kha pa raha hai na ghar ja pa raha hai," Pankaj told about his brother being stuck at a railway station in Uttar Pradesh.
"Sir, mai aapko khana khila raha hu. Shayad, mere bhai ko bhi aise hi koi khana khila de," He added and paused.
Our conversation created an eerie silence and I felt really sad for his younger brother. I accepted his offer and sat to eat dinner. I thanked and shook his hands and bid him goodbye. I am sure he would have felt strange about me being a weird person who didn't have enough change in the wallet but was having a decent car to drive from guesthouse to office every day. I didn't know that this would be my last meal from him and I wouldn't find him next week after returning. He had left for his hometown. I couldn't repay his gesture. Pankaj has held a special position in my life for making me eat onion for the first time in my life and for offering me food when I couldn't afford it.
After shifting from the guesthouse to a flat in Jaipur SEZ, I started my regular office life. While Infosys Jaipur DC was much smaller than its Bangalore counterpart, my friend circle became bigger than what it was in Bangalore. Another slight and incremental change I had made. But, making normal friends out of colleagues isn't that tough. The harder part is to gain stranger friends, people who lie outside of one's normal daily life. But, I had decided to continue my newly formed habit of talking to strangers, the security staff, and the food vendors :)
Jaipur DC had only one food court unlike tens of them in Bangalore but believe me, this one food court was enough for 1000 employees there. While I would cook breakfast and dinner at home, I started eating lunch regularly and breakfast some mornings. My breakfast menu got fixed, I would eat plain paranthas with butter and curd. I had started to smile and say hello to the guy on the counter. We had become familiar in less than a week. In our first conversation, he also turned out to be from Delhi which added a layer of familiarity. Delhiites make good friends when out of Delhi :)
"Good morning Chetan sir! aaj aap aloo parantha kyu nahi lete?" Rupesh asked one morning.
It had been around a week in Jaipur, and he knew me by name and my regular food choice :)
"Nahi sir, usme pyaaz hota hai. Mujhe pyaaz acha nahi lagta," I replied. Even though I had started to eat some onions a few days back, I still wasn't comfortable eating them willingly.
"Sir, aap pehle bata dete! Aap ke liye do aloo alag rakh deta mai," Rupesh said.
"Wah, aisa bhi ho sakta hai?" I asked.
"Arre sir! Aap bas ek din pehle bata diya karo, mai aapke liye har subah bina pyaaz ka aloo parantha banwa dunga," He added with a smile.
"Rupesh sir thank you very much," I thanked him. I became extremely happy to be able to enjoy aloo parantha like I used to at home.
"Chetan sir, aaj meri taraf se," He said, refusing to accept money for the breakfast out of newly built friendship.
"Nahi sir, dosti alag hai, business alag," I insisted to pay. Somehow, I don't believe in eating food for free...just doesn't sound acceptable. After, some series of requests, I finally got him to accept the money. And, thereafter, I always enjoyed the breakfast of my choice. Jaipur DC food court had two vendors and I was friends with both. We knew each other by name. Greeting and speaking on matters beyond the exchange of food and payment was regular. I had earned 4 new stranger friends in the food court.
"Nahi sir, usme pyaaz hota hai. Mujhe pyaaz acha nahi lagta," I replied. Even though I had started to eat some onions a few days back, I still wasn't comfortable eating them willingly.
"Sir, aap pehle bata dete! Aap ke liye do aloo alag rakh deta mai," Rupesh said.
"Wah, aisa bhi ho sakta hai?" I asked.
"Arre sir! Aap bas ek din pehle bata diya karo, mai aapke liye har subah bina pyaaz ka aloo parantha banwa dunga," He added with a smile.
"Rupesh sir thank you very much," I thanked him. I became extremely happy to be able to enjoy aloo parantha like I used to at home.
"Chetan sir, aaj meri taraf se," He said, refusing to accept money for the breakfast out of newly built friendship.
"Nahi sir, dosti alag hai, business alag," I insisted to pay. Somehow, I don't believe in eating food for free...just doesn't sound acceptable. After, some series of requests, I finally got him to accept the money. And, thereafter, I always enjoyed the breakfast of my choice. Jaipur DC food court had two vendors and I was friends with both. We knew each other by name. Greeting and speaking on matters beyond the exchange of food and payment was regular. I had earned 4 new stranger friends in the food court.
With security staff working in shifts, I would meet new guards every day, morning and evening. I had started my regular greetings of good morning and good evening whenever I'd get off my car at the office gate to swipe my card for parking. On my way home, I would often offer a lift to the security guards in my car. In a couple of months, I had known each and every security guard of Infosys Jaipur by face and I believe they too would have known me. I used to talk to them whenever they had their duty on my floor wing. I would ask them about their hometown, their stories of previous jobs in the Indian Army or the Indian Navy, their kids and just many random things. My teammates, Vishram and Kanika by this time had started noticing that I knew some of the guards. Sooner, guards would greet me with a hello and ask about my wellbeing whenever I would pass by them.
One afternoon, while our group was returning from the food court after lunch, a guard greeted and bowed at me.
"Hello sir," I replied with a smile.
"Yaar, Chetan ko har koi jaanta hai!" Kanika said in amusement. We all laughed at it.
It's been over two years since I shifted back to Delhi, switched jobs, but I still retain this habit, although if measured, I haven't made that many strangers friends in Delhi as compared to that in Bangalore and Jaipur, probably due to not seeing the need to socialize...Don't know. These days, the only stranger friends I acquire are Uber drivers. Whenever I take a cab, I sit in the front which gives a good opportunity to strike a conversation with the driver. I wouldn't say that I always chat, but I do at least 50% of the time. Definitely, I am not the only one who does this.
In the past few years, my inherent and natural nature has definitely improved. I smile more often, I am able to speak to strangers without feeling uneasy. But, I feel, these changes vary in my mood. I still resist talking on phones, for example, I would never call a customer care number, rather I'd do a chat with them. Recently, on LinkedIn, a good and senior guy who had his startup wanted to talk to me, it's been over a month, I have not called him, it just doesn't come out naturally to me. On the contrary, I am extremely good with kids. You leave me with any child, I will end up becoming her/his best friend to the point s/he would ask for more time to stay with me. Many of my old friends who call message me after years still think that I wouldn't be speaking much given my history of being the silent one in the class. But, I hope these two articles will tell a different story.
Now, the important question is, have I really turned into an extrovert or an ambivert? And, the answer is plain no. I checked my MBTI score two months back and I happened to score more than 95% in INFJ-T; I have become more introverted compared to that in a previous evaluation. And, if I introspect, I believe that the credit goes to my field of education, to my job requirement, and to a few really good friends I have had for over a decade. Having studied design, psychology, it became an important part of my everyday life to meet new people, interview them for user research, and so on. Similarly, my job required me to be on phone speaking to teammates and stakeholders from different parts of the world. Attend meetings and workshops...From a project manager to a CEO of a company, I had gained experience of speaking to a lot of people.
"Yaar, Chetan ko har koi jaanta hai!" Kanika said in amusement. We all laughed at it.
It's been over two years since I shifted back to Delhi, switched jobs, but I still retain this habit, although if measured, I haven't made that many strangers friends in Delhi as compared to that in Bangalore and Jaipur, probably due to not seeing the need to socialize...Don't know. These days, the only stranger friends I acquire are Uber drivers. Whenever I take a cab, I sit in the front which gives a good opportunity to strike a conversation with the driver. I wouldn't say that I always chat, but I do at least 50% of the time. Definitely, I am not the only one who does this.
In the past few years, my inherent and natural nature has definitely improved. I smile more often, I am able to speak to strangers without feeling uneasy. But, I feel, these changes vary in my mood. I still resist talking on phones, for example, I would never call a customer care number, rather I'd do a chat with them. Recently, on LinkedIn, a good and senior guy who had his startup wanted to talk to me, it's been over a month, I have not called him, it just doesn't come out naturally to me. On the contrary, I am extremely good with kids. You leave me with any child, I will end up becoming her/his best friend to the point s/he would ask for more time to stay with me. Many of my old friends who call message me after years still think that I wouldn't be speaking much given my history of being the silent one in the class. But, I hope these two articles will tell a different story.
Now, the important question is, have I really turned into an extrovert or an ambivert? And, the answer is plain no. I checked my MBTI score two months back and I happened to score more than 95% in INFJ-T; I have become more introverted compared to that in a previous evaluation. And, if I introspect, I believe that the credit goes to my field of education, to my job requirement, and to a few really good friends I have had for over a decade. Having studied design, psychology, it became an important part of my everyday life to meet new people, interview them for user research, and so on. Similarly, my job required me to be on phone speaking to teammates and stakeholders from different parts of the world. Attend meetings and workshops...From a project manager to a CEO of a company, I had gained experience of speaking to a lot of people.
The good observation I have made about myself is, when it comes to the job, I become an ambivert who doesn't shy away from his putting thoughts on the table. I have a work mode switch. My colleagues and some of whom who have become good friends of mine, often invite me for dinner parties but I smartly walk away from such conversation because I know that I won't be able to survive speaking to them beyond work hours, a typical introvert-trait! My colleagues from all the 3 orgs I have worked for, know me as a person who doesn't go out, doesn't party, and doesn't drink. And, the remaining truth is, I prefer to enjoy myself only with a handful of people in my life. This is the part of life where I still haven't changed and frankly speaking, I don't wish to change it either.
"Introverts just have a different way to celebrate with a different set of people whom they cherish in life."
____________________
More articles on my blog:
Stranger Friends
Group Discussions And Introversion
Comments
Post a Comment
Enthusiastically agree? Respectfully beg to differ? Have your say in the comment box. Anonymous comments are allowed though they are moderated.